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Assassin's Creed Liberation Woes

I didn't mention this before, but I recently got the Assassin's Creed PSVita bundle and proceeded to play it for hours on end. Everything was fine and I had no issues. Well, there would be some times where the controls would go wonky or I'd get turned around and end up messing up a mission, but it was all really small issues. I've been enjoying the game.
Today, I did the update for the game. Now, I can't even get into the game. Every time I try I press Continue, I'll get the loading screen with Aveline in her slave persona and then it'll immediately go back to the Ubisoft logo and then on to the title screen. The game automatically just kicks me out and I can't even play multiplayer without completely closing the game because for some goddamn reason it keeps turning off the wifi. The multiplayer isn't even all that interesting to me. You just point in a direction and let the little sprites do the work for you. I can't even see the battles or push a button to make my people go stabby on my enemies.

Moving on.

So now I'm on the internet, bitching about how fucked up my game is after doing an update put out by the very same company who created the goddamn game in the first goddamn place and I'm wondering this one little thing. Can I call this irony, especially since the update was supposed to fix a bunch of bugs that my game didn't even have to begin with?

Watching New Moon with wine

Look, I'm just going to get to the point and say that I am not as think as you drunk I am.
....
Wait.
Badum tish

The easiest jokes are the most fun. Anyway. My stepdad has been wanting to watch the last Twilight movie and he likes to watch movies with others. Obviously he can see it on his own, he doesn't need to have me there holding his hand, but I decided to go ahead and watch the movie with him. It sucks, because I hate the series, but I also made the executive decision to drink and do commentary while I catch up on the series. It was a kind of in for a penny, in for a pound of emo bullshit situation, so shut up and refill my glass.

Speaking of the emo bullshit, OH MY GOD. It was EVERYWHERE. It filled the screen, nothing but angst and emo and stupid selfish nonsense that made me want to reach through the screen and beat these people unconscious. It was okay when Jacob still had a personality, but then he got a dose of emo fever and I was left to fend for myself in a land of man titty and ridiculous self-serving teenagers. Guys, when not even man titty can make a movie enjoyable, there is something very wrong with the movie.

Bottom line: the wine only dulled the pain. If any of ya'll decide to watch these movies, bring your sense of humor and a jug of booze. You're going to need it.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Complaining about Atlas Shrugged...again

I know that bitching about this book isn't going to help me finish it sooner, but I need to get this out of my system. This post is going to be full of my complaints in regards to Ayn Rand's horrid mythology metaphors. Because it's really painful and it hurts my mythology loving heart.

The most obvious and prominent metaphor Ayn Rand uses is the story of Atlas, who was a Titan that fought against the gods and lost. As punishment, he was made to hold the heavens on his shoulders. Not the world, the heavens. There is a difference.

But the quote and the metaphor goes like this:

"Mr. Rearden," said Francisco, his voice solemnly calm, "if you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down on his shoulders - what would you tell him to do?"

"I...don't know. What...could he do? What would you tell him?"

"To shrug."
(Atlas Shrugged, Part 2, Chapter 3, Pg 422)

UGH

Give me a moment.

Okay. I will give you a pass on the "world on his shoulders" thing. Lots of media and people say that Atlas holds the world and not the heavens. It makes me want to stab those people in the eye, but I understand the mistake. HOWEVER, I am not going to let slide the implication this metaphor is making about Atlas's story. So I'm only going to say scream at the top of my lungs this once.

ATLAS DID NOT HAVE A CHOICE IN HOLDING UP THE FUCKING HEAVENS. IT WAS A FUCKING PUNISHMENT. If Atlas felt pain while holding up the heavens, it would be expected, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS TO BE PUNISHED. It's not supposed to be fun, it was never something he wanted to do, ZEUS FORCED HIM TO DO IT BECAUSE ATLAS WAS ONE OF THE TITANS WHO FOUGHT AGAINST THE GODS AND LOST.

I understand what Ayn Rand was going for with the metaphor, I really do, but seriously? If she really had to use a myth, she couldn't of thought of something more appropriate? There are literally THOUSANDS of myths in ALL OF THE COUNTRIES. You cannot tell me that she couldn't do research and pick a myth that MADE FUCKING SENSE.

One example: if you have to stick to Greek mythology, use the story of Perseus. He's a demigod who overcame all the odds, killed Medusa, and founded Mycenae. It's not the idea of someone abandoning shit just to make a statement, but there's no reason you can't work the whole "overcoming adversity to do the right thing" angle. And that's just one myth.

The other mythology metaphor that Ayn Rand abuses royally fucks up uses is the story of Prometheus, who saw that humanity was suffering and brought them a small piece of fire from the God's hearth. This pissed off Zeus and Prometheus was punished by being chained to a mountaintop and had his liver eaten by an eagle every day. Every night his liver would grow back and the cycle would continue.

The quote goes like this:

"John Galt is Prometheus who changed his mind. After centuries of being torn by vultures in payment for having brought to men the fire of the gods, he broke his chains - and he withdrew his fire - until the day when men withdraw their vultures."

(Atlas Shrugged, Part 2, Chapter 5, Pg 478)

Goddamnit Francisco, I am really starting to despise your ineptitude.

(The hilarious thing is that Francisco is supposed to be a genius. The dumbass can't even do mythology right)

Christ, this one hurts me more than the first one. I'm not giving any passes for this horseshit. Prometheus is seen today as a symbol of mankind's quest for more (specifically knowledge), is considered a champion of humanity, and is also a warning about overreaching. The irony of that last part makes me giggle. The fact that Ayn Rand used this myth makes me want to punch through the walls of reality, but let's look at the metaphor and explain how FUCKING WRONG Ayn Rand is instead, shall we?

Point 1: Prometheus was torn up by an eagle, not vultures. Why is this important? Because the eagle was a sign of Zeus and it showed that Zeus had the power to punish Prometheus. Which is a power that he used.
A lot.
The point is, it's an important symbol and NOT JUST SOMETHING YOU CAN DROP LIKE A PENNY.

Point 2: Prometheus did eventually escape, but it was done at the hands of Hercules. He was set free because Hercules took pity on him and Zeus allowed it because Hercules is a fucking badass and you don't say no to those muscles.
Mmmmmm....
Anyway.
If Prometheus had tried to escape on his own, Zeus would've STRUCK HIS ASS DOWN. Like, literally. With his LIGHTNING BOLTS.
Again, THESE DETAILS ARE IMPORTANT.

Point 3: Most importantly, PROMETHEUS MADE MANKIND. HE GAVE THEM FIRE BECAUSE HE FELT SORRY FOR HIS CREATIONS. HE WAS PUNISHED FOR CARING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM. The fact that this metaphor is completely ignoring what Prometheus did for humanity and using it for some shitty message pisses me off to no end. You can't just take a random myth out of the empty space between your ears, floss your ass with it, and expect it to work. You kind of have to sorta PUT SOME GODDAMN THOUGHT INTO IT.

I know that whoever reads this is going to think "Man, it's just mythology. There's no reason to get worked up". Maybe to you there isn't. Maybe you don't give a fuck. I grew up reading mythology. I have been studying mythology and loving these Gods and all their crazy since I was old enough to read. I love these stories. The point that you should have hammered into your head is this: I AM NOT YOU and mythology matters to me.
I don't care if people know the myths and use them to make their own stories. That's not my problem. My problem is when people twist the myths into something unrecognizable and don't even look twice at it. My problem is when people forget that the word "myth" doesn't mean religion or fantasy or any of that bullshit. "Myth" means "sacred". Mythology is the study of the sacred. That doesn't mean a lot nowadays, but goddamnit, it should. It should count for something.

Bottom line, I really hate this book.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Halloween costumes that will make you cry

(Originally posted Sept. 11, 2012)

Halloween is just around the corner and I’m just a little bit…scared isn’t the right word. Getting a little freaked out? I mean, I’m really loving all of the superhero costumes for women but man, some of those costumes are going to chafe. I’m just saying, some of those gals are going to need ointment when they peel themselves out of all that leather. But instead of telling you, how about I just show you the horror.

Before I start to barrage your eyes with stupid, offensive, and silly halloween costumes, let’s start off with some costumes I would not mind having.



I know that the skirt is ridiculously short (I mean, seriously. A slight breeze would get me arrested in that outfit), but I do like the look on the model’s face. “Yeah, I’m wearing 2 inches of cloth. But I look fucking sexy in those 2 inches.”
Own it baby.



WHY DID I NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE? Does that dress look awesome, or what? If your answer is anything but yes, you are a liar.



This costume is called “Warrior Princess” and I am definitely getting a Xena vibe. On one hand, fuck yeah Xena! On the other hand, if this is supposed to be a Xena-ish costume, why the hell is she blonde?



Classic Storm. That is all.



This one is called “Contestant”, but come on. They even have the Mockingjay pin. If you’re going to make a Katniss costume, at least have the balls to call it what it is.



American McGee’s Alice. I just love the apron and the symbols. Though I really want the Red Queen dress. Ah well, c’est la vie.



Going out into the woods never looked so damn sexy. Rawr.



I actually have the Hot Topic Sailor Moon costume, but everyone knows that Sailor Mars was the badass of the show.

And now to the horror!Collapse )

Atlas Shrugged is eating my brain

(Originally posted Aug. 24, 2012)



Can I just quit reading this book now? Please? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY IS THIS BOOK SO GODDAMN LOOOOOOONG?

So, Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. Yeah. I haven’t finished reading it, but I can feel my brain starting to leak out of my ears and I am so bored with it. There are moments of some really good writing and I enjoy it when Dagny is being kick-ass, but those moments are almost always buried by way too much internal monologue and random descriptions that don’t do a damn thing for the plot.
The writing is like a new friend you’ve made, coming over to your house for a dinner party. They’re interesting and sometimes they are really eloquent and you have fun talking to them about those topics that no one else at the party is really comfortable with. But then your new friend keeps talking and they don’t really have a filter and now they’re going on about different ways the world can be fixed and who is at fault for everything and who is John Galt and it takes a lot of effort to keep smiling and being polite to this person but all you really want to do is RUN THE OTHER WAY JESUS CHRIST WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING. OH GOD PLEASE STOP TALKING.

It’s like that.

The only reason why I’m still reading this is because my Stepfather keeps asking me to. Also, I really want to finish it, just in case I get one of those “I survived Atlas Shrugged and I didn’t get a damn thing” t-shirts. They make those right? If not, I’ll just do it myself. Maybe I’ll even make a shirt that says “Atlas doesn’t hold the world. He holds up the heavens. It was a punishment from Zeus, not a choice. Metaphors - you’re doing it fucking wrong”.
Don’t look at me like that, I’m a stickler when it comes to mythology.

Back to the Rand grindstone, as they say.

Hawkeye's New Nest

(Originally posted Aug. 4, 2012)

Between playing through Pokemon Conquest, watching South Park, and procrastinating on my essay, I finally buckled down and finished my little nest project.



Tony was upset that I forced him out of his makeshift bed, but I had originally gotten the thing for Hawkeye in the first place, so he’s just going to have to live with it.

You may be asking yourself, “is that an Angry Birds ribbon on the handle?” The answer is always yes, yes it is. And if you’re also wondering if I’m really that much of a jerk, well…





“You see this? I have no problem using this on you at three in the morning.”

…You’re not even going to try it out? I spent all of lunchtime on it!

“I don’t care! I don’t want it!”

Awwww, come on!

“NO”

Needless to say, I was disappointed. But I did like the way it had turned out, so I put it up on my bookcase. If nothing else, maybe Yorik will get something out of it.

As it turned out, I shouldn’t have worried so much.



CAW CAW - !

“DON’T YOU EVEN START”

Avenger Drunken Shenanigans

(Originally posted July 26, 2012)



“WOOOOO! VACUUM CLEANER PARTAY!”

“How the hell do you guys keep getting into the Kahlua?!”

Thor Shenanigans

(Originally posted July 25, 2012)



“JESUS CHRIST HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET UP THERE?!”

“LADY ZEPHYR. YOU HAVE WONDERFUL TIMING. PERCHANCE YOU COULD ASSIST ME?”

“…You’re stuck up there?”

“…A BIT, YES.

MILADY, THOUGH I DO SEE THE HUMOR IN THIS SITUATION, MAYHAPS THAT NOW IS NOT THE MOMENT FOR LAUGHTER AND JESTING?

LADY ZEPHYR? LADY ZEPHYR THIS IS SERIOUS. PLEASE HELP ME.

OR NOT. THAT IS AN OPTION TOO.”
(Originally posted July 24, 2012)

It’s one of those rain days where you can’t walk five minutes without the sky opening up and dumping buckets on your head. The funny thing is, because it’s monsoon season in the desert, it’ll only be another five minutes before the rain stops and the sun comes back to bake you like an oven.

And people wonder why I stay inside most days.

Since it’s raining and I’m being lazy procrastinating a bit lost on what jobs/chores to do first, I decided to check in on Hawkeye and Ironman. As it turns out, they are currently trying to dismantle my PSP. Again.

“OY. IF YOU BREAK MY PSP I’M GOING TO SELL YOU FOR PARTS.”

Hawkeye looks up and raises an eyebrow at me, “Who in the world would take action figure parts?”

“That is not…the point!”

They go back to ignoring me.

“I’LL GIVE YOU TO MY YOUNGEST COUSIN!”

That gives them a moment of pause.

“How young?” Tony asks.

“Young enough to not think anything of sticking you down the back of his pants.”

They both shudder before getting up and backing away from the PSP slowly.

“THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.”

Tony stomps a foot with a small growl before looking up at me, “Well, what else are we supposed to do? You’re not exactly giving us a lot of options to work with here.”

As much as I’d like to argue with Tony that there is PLENTY of things to do in my room, let alone THE WHOLE HOUSE, the truth of the matter is that he has a point. Those activities are more designed for ME, not for action figures like Tony or Clint. Technically I could set them up with the TV and let them have a free-for-all with the family movie collection but that wouldn’t really solve the problem. Besides, watching movies and TV shows can only last so long before they get bored and decide to take it out on my electronics. I need a more permament solution, which would entail finding things that are more their size. Or maybe just throwing a supervillain at them……..

That could work.

I think my little idea came through on my face because the next thing I knew, I looked down and there’s Tony and Clint looking at me like I’ve gone insane.

“I have an idea. Wait here,” I say and I run out of the room and up the stairs before they can say What the Fuck.

So I never really told you guys about my newest guest. I mean, I mentioned him in passing, but I didn’t actually tell or show you anything about him.

“GREETINGS LADY ZEPHYR! ‘TIS GOOD TO SEE YOU ONCE MORE. HOW GOES YOUR SCRIBE WORK?”



Guys, say hello to Thor. Turns out that Gods of Thunder really like monsoon season. This particular one especially likes it in the southwest. From what I was able to get from him when he first crashed into the upstairs craft room, Thor had been fighting with his brother Loki. Loki took off into the storm and Thor followed, but lost him and was blown here by a strong thunderstorm. He’s been looking for the God of Mischief and camping out upstairs ever since.

“Yo. Thor. Good to see you too. The writing’s going fine. I’m thinking you need to work on your volume control though.”

“I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I DO NOT HAVE THIS ‘VOLUME CONTROL’.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Anyway, look, I want you to come downstairs. I’ve got some people you should meet.”

“DO YOU REFER TO THE MAN OF IRON AND THE ARCHER WITH EYES OF A HAWK?”

“Got it in one.”

“GOT WHAT?”

“Never mind, come on,” I say and I lead us down to my room with Thor flying overhead.

As much time as I spend with Tony and Clint, I’m never truly sure of how they’ll react to certain things. It’s not that I don’t think they’ll like Thor (it’s hard not to, honestly), but I just don’t really know how they’ll…react, I guess. Even though they come from the Avengers movie line and they’re meant to work together as a team (dysfunctional though it may be), none of us have really talked about it much. I’m a huge Avengers movie fan, but I don’t shove it in their face, you know? I’ve never talked to them about my plans to get the rest of the action figure line. I know that’s not a smart thing to do, but I always tend to forget that not everyone is on the same page as me and I end up in situations like, say, this one.

When we enter the room (Thor landing perfectly on top of the dresser, naturally), Tony and Clint are quiet. But that’s not to say that Thor is.

“GREETINGS MIDGARDIANS! I AM THOR ODINSON. YOU KNOW ME AS THE NORSE GOD OF THUNDER. ‘TIS GOOD TO FINALLY MEET YOU. LADY ZEPHYR HAS TOLD ME MANY TALES OF YOUR…’SHENANIGANS’?” Thor looks to me for clarification, but I’m a bit preoccupied with watching the Wonder Twins trying not to fall over in shock.

“Oh my god, you are freakishly loud. Do you have a volume control or something?” Tony says.

Thor starts booming with laughter and Tony cringes before placing his hands over where his ears would be. I can only imagine what kind of echo that helmet creates. I look to check on Clint and he’s fallen over on his ass.

Don’t worry guys, he’s got a soft landing (OH SNAP FIRST HAWKASS JOKE *HIGH FIVE FOR ME*).

“LADY ZEPHYR MADE MENTION OF THIS ‘VOLUME CONTROL’ AS WELL. PERHAPS YOU COULD ENLIGHTEN ME TO ITS MEANING, MAN OF IRON?”

“Yeah, sure, right after I get my hearing back,” Tony says. He looks like he’s about to wobble right over the edge. Thor comes forward and steadies him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Thor, this is Tony Stark and Clint Barton. Also known as Ironman and Hawkeye, respectively. I think it’d be a good idea for them to help you look for Loki,” I finally decide to cut in and give some proper introductions.

Tony looks up at me sharply, “Look for who now?”

“MY BROTHER, LOKI,” Thor says and, despite the fact his voice was still loud, there was a heaviness to his tone, “WE QUARRELED AND…I DO NOT KNOW WHERE HE HAS GONE. IF IT WOULD NOT TROUBLE YOU, I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ANY ASSISTANCE YOU COULD GIVE ME.”

They both look unsure about this, but Thor unleashes his ‘puppy eyes’ attack and you can literally see them begin to break down.

“Look,” I say and all three of them turn to stare at me, “you guys wanted something to do. This is that something. Thor really needs the help and I’m not too comfortable with him being out there on his own. No offense man.”

“NO OFFENSE TAKEN. ANY HELP FREELY GIVEN WOULD BE A GIFT.”

“See guys? Look at him. How could you ever say no to that face?”

The puppy eyes come out again, this time turned up to 11 and, really, they never stood a chance.

Tony is the first to relent with a put-upon sigh, “FINE. I’ll help look for this…Loki? Loki. Okay.”

Clint agrees a few moments afterwards.



~An alliance is born~

So now I have half the team together and a wild Loki on the loose. Wonderful.

The continued adventures of BookWoman!

(Originally posted July 23, 2012)

And now I want that to be an actual superhero. I CALL DIBS!

Moving on, I realized this morning that I didn’t tell you guys about the other books I got at Barnes and Noble. Obviously I had a good reason (MYYYYTHS), but now that I’m slightly calmer I figured I may as well tell you.



I never heard about the voodoo book before, but it’s a newer YA one that sounded interesting (psychopathic friends that make a voodoo doll out of you? Sign me up) and I’m hoping it’ll turn out as awesome as the summary makes it sound.

Still drooling over my new mythology book, but that’s a given (MYYYYYYYYYTHS >:D). But moreover, I’m looking forward to reading the Artemis Fowl book. What’s kind of depressing is that The Last Guardian is supposed to be the very last one. I remember picking up the first book back in middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL, guys, do you realize how many years it’s been? MORE THAN A DECADE, I CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH. But I remember falling in love with the series immediately and wanting nothing more than to read the book over and over until the pages fell out. Even then, I probably would’ve just duct-tapped it all back together. Or used it as an excuse to buy the hardcover instead of another paperback. And now I’m going through college and the series is ending. Guys, the only other series that I ever bothered to stick with for so long was Harry Potter. HARRY BADASS FUCKING POTTER WHICH IS YET ANOTHER PIECE OF MY CHILDHOOD THAT HAS ENDED until they decide to redo the movies OH GOD IT HURTS JUST TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I don’t know, I just can’t help but feel a bit sad.

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